Mind-body skill of developing a window of tolerance and building true resilience

Our window of tolerance is a concept from Polyvagal Theory that represents our ventral vagal dimension of our autonomic nervous system (Porges, 2021). This dimension is where we are in a state of feelings safe, connected, to self and others, emotionally regulated, and dealing with life stressors effectively.

Also, our window of tolerance can be understood that we all have a certain threshold for stress and a “homeostatic environment” that we can function our best in. The window of tolerance, or I like to refer to it as the “window of optimal living, “ can serve as a guide with how many obligations we can take on in our weeks, the type of work environments and schedule that is best for our health, and the people we choose to grow in deeper relation with.

In essence, understanding our window of tolerance is that “sweet spot” for having the foundation of safety, connection, and purpose that helps us live a balanced and joyful life. Our foundation of safety and connection grounds our nervous system to be able to work through stressors without operating in a chronic state of anxiety.

Some steps for becoming aware of your window of tolerance:

Identify 5 weekly stressful things you are currently experiencing.

  • Identify 5 positive behaviors or experiences that help you feel safe.

  • Identify 5 experiences that you enjoy doing on a daily or weekly basis.

To be in our window of tolerance we need to be close to equal in each of the 3 areas. If our stressful experiences fully out number our positive behaviors and experiences, we are not living in our window of tolerance. If we cannot decrease the stress in our lives at this current time, we have to find ways to increase our positive behaviors and experiences.

Lastly, developing true resilience is one of the gifts of developing a mind-body connection. The reason I have “true” in the description, is I feel we need to constantly reframe what our culture has defined as what being resilient is: running on empty emotionally and physically, but always pushing through. This is not resilience, this is more insanity, and only leads to burnout, illness, sometimes disease, relationship fragmentation, and unhappiness. Being resilient does not mean you will never struggle, or have to ask for help. Being resilient is having the awareness to stop your current way of being, have the humility to ask the deeper questions about your life, and take the courage to take the steps to shift your life to support mind and body health. This is the foundation of true resilience because when we can heal and pivot our lives from a place of honesty and wellness, we are building the foundation to be able to work through life stresses that will inevitably come our way.

Some steps for building true resilience:

  • Identify what areas in your life are difficult (be specific).

  • Connect with the emotions in your mind and body that relate to the difficulties.

  • Journal and explore:

  • What parts of you struggle to be honest with yourself?

  • How can you ask for help?

Source:

Porges, S. W. (2021). Polyvagal Safety. New York, NY: W.W. Norton & Company

Shantel Gonsalves